Ashfur's Judgement
by Riverspirit456
Summary: What happens to Ashfur after he is murdered? Find out here!


Ashfur's Judgment

Why Should I Be Sorry

I don't recall much of what happened. It was simply a flash of pain, claws tearing through my flesh... I felt myself bleeding out into the water. Then there was nothing. I was floating in a void of darkness that seemed to stretch forever. For a moment, I couldn't remember who I was, where I had come from…I couldn't remember _anything,_ and I was terrified that I'd never know… and then there she was.

She walked towards me, her dappled pelt sparkling with stars. She lit the void and I could feel warmth begin to engulf me. You don't know how happy I was. The last time I saw her, her body was lying in a pool of blood, neck slashed by Tigerstar. Now she glimmered with all the light of Silverpelt. My mother. I wanted to run to her, wanted to tell her how much I missed her, but I couldn't move. My legs were frozen in the emptiness.

"Brindleface!" I cried happily.

Then I saw the look on her face. My blood froze, and the warmth faded from the air. Disappointment, sadness, betrayal and fear. That was all I could see. Why wasn't she happy to see me? It had been seasons since we were able to speak to each other!

"Ashfur." Brindleface said quietly. Her voice was layered with regret. Her eyes glistened with sorrow.

"Brindleface…what-what have I done to disappoint you?" I choked, but she didn't seem to hear me.

"How could you, Ashfur? You were such a noble warrior. You served your clan for seasons, and you could have died an honorable death. But you chose the path of jealousy."

"Jealousy?!" I cried, bewildered.

Then my memories came flooding back.

I remember my sister, Ferncloud. I remember my time of apprenticeship, my time as a warrior, and then I remember her. I can picture her ginger pelt sparkling in the sun, and her green eyes glimmering playfully. A throb of longing surges through me. Happiness bubbles in my stomach as those emerald eyes fix on me, warmth shining in their depths. Then her gaze shifts, and her eyes land on him!

She leaves me… She leaves me like a piece of fresh kill, lying half-eaten in the dust. _I don't love you._ Her words echo in my mind. How could she do this to me?! How could she just leave me?! Doesn't she know how this feels?! This burning, aching, terrible feeling that only grows stronger as I see her laughing with him?! My heart has shattered. There's nothing in my chest but a ball of ice. I hate her! I hate her so much it hurts! Of course she doesn't know how I feel! When did she _ever_ care how I felt?! I gasped as the ice creeps through my veins. It's cold and comforting.

_I'll make her understand. I'll make her pay for what she did to me…_

"I'll tell all the Clans her secret! Then she'll be left to rot as I was! She'll never be loved again!" For a moment, I could see her standing, terrified in front of me. Satisfaction warmed my paws, and then her face melted away. My mother stood, the same terrified look etched across her features.

"You see," Brindleface whispered, "you see what you have become?"

"I-I" confusion coursed through me. "I've done nothing wrong, mother! It's Squirrelflight who betrayed her clan! Who betrayed me! You understand don't you? She left me with nothing!"

"No, Ashfur. She left you, but she didn't leave you with nothing. You had a clan of friends, you had a future, seasons to move on, to find someone else and be happy, but you chose to linger in the past."

"But-!"

"No! Ashfur, the moment you chose revenge, the moment you let your despair overwhelm you, your destiny was set."

"My destiny?!"

"Everyone has a destiny. Unfortunately, yours has led you here."

"Where…where am I?" My heart had begun to pound. I whipped my head around, but all I could see was darkness.

"Ashfur, your actions are unforgivable. You threatened your clan and nearly killed innocent cats."

My mind was spinning, and I could not make sense of her words.

"You are undeserving of…" Brindleface choked on the words, her eyes brimming with despair. "…Of your place among the stars. Therefore, by the decree of all of Starclan, we sentence you to exile. You will never walk with us, you will forever be disgraced."

"Mother!" I cried. _What is she saying?! If I can't join Starclan, where will I go?!_

Brindleface stiffened, her eyes sparkling with grief.

"I'm sorry, Ashfur. You will always be…"

I strained to hear what she was saying, but she was fading, her starlit fur vanishing into darkness.

"Wait please! I'm sorry!"

Suddenly, I was falling. Falling through the void. I wanted to scream, but the sound caught in my throat. Then, with a gasp of pain, I landed on hard, murky soil.

Opening my eyes, I gazed around at the black, withered tree trunks. Glowing fungi lit the forest, casting opaque shadows across the ground. Darkness seemed to seep from every nook, every crack all around me.

My heart was thumping with terror, and the image of my mother still clung to my mind. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry!_ I thought, although I could not grasp what I was sorry for. Sorry for disappointing her? Sorry for seeking justice? Looking up, I searched for the stars, for an answer. Bare, black branches twisted across the dark sky. _Where are the stars?! Where are Starclan?!_

I flopped to the ground in despair, curling into a ball and wrapping my tail around myself. I wracked my mind for answers. Why should I be sorry?

Looking up at the clouded sky, void of stars and laced with branches, it hit me like a bolt of lightning, bright and clear. A memory.

"_Ashpaw!"_

_I look up into the amber eyes of my mentor, Dustpelt._

"_Get off your sister! This is a training exercise, you don't have to be so harsh!"_

"_But I was just-"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I was just…she pounced on me today. I wanted to get her back."_

_Dustpelt gives me a long stare._

"_It's okay Dustpelt! I'm not hurt!" Fernpaw says, jumping to her feet. Dustpelt gazes at my sister with softness in his eyes. _

"_I know. You'll be a great warrior one day." His eyes fix on me again, and there is no softness there. "But you! You need to learn that revenge is pointless. What would you have gained by hurting Fernpaw, hm?!"_

"_I-I don't know!"_

"_That's right!" Dustpelt hisses, "You don't know what you gain because you gain nothing! Revenge, jealousy, and hatred only lead to the deaths of innocent cats! These things have guided even the most honorable warriors into ruin."_

As the memory fades, I shiver. _Oh no…_ I burrow my head into the fur of my tail. _No, no…_ _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… _Choking on the lump in my throat, I lift my head to the bare branches above. _I've fallen haven't I? I could have destroyed the clan by helping Hawkfrost, and I almost killed Lionblaze, Hollyleaf and Jaypaw. "Revenge, jealousy, and hatred only lead to the deaths of innocent cats…"_

_They were innocent…I would have killed them, and they were innocent…_


End file.
